Food for Thought [CHAARG Talk]

Fall '19 Retreat

Eat Theme

There are four main things that I have learned in life about food:

1.     Figure out how many calories you need in a day, + eat accordingly

2.     Eat the rainbow

3.     Avoid fad diets

4.     Treat yourself

Now, it should be noted that I know absolutely nothing about nutrition. However, I am an English major, which means I enjoy speaking in cliché metaphors. Which I am, indeed, doing right now. 

So, one thing I learned in life is that I needed to figure out how many calories I need in a day, + then act in accordance to that number. Calories are units of energy -- so what I mean when I say this is that I had to figure out what gave me energy in life, + then pursue it. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. It probably seems like common sense -- just do what you like. However, I used to be a very wishy washy, malleable person that just did what I was told when I was told to do it, completely incapable of making my own decisions. 

To put this into perspective for you, I put a poll on Twitter about which college I should attend + then chose my school in accordance to those results. The school I chose was not Kent; I started college at John Carroll University, a very small, very conservative school outside of Cleveland. It was here that I started to realize how important it was for me to determine my source of energy. 

Before college, I merely drifted through life. I LOVED high school. I had amazing friends, who I am still close with today, + attended a phenomenal school. I was happy in high school. I never really stopped to think why. I mean, why question things when they are going well? I simply knew that I ended each day with a smile on my face + woke up each day eager to start it. 

When I got to John Carroll, it was like someone switched my life source off. I was utterly + entirely miserable. I went into JCU without any of friends. Further, most people went to JCU with a cluster of their closest friends. I was so incredibly lonely. I spent half of my weekends at home + the other half curled up in my bed watching tv alone. I had no energy. I had nothing that was giving me purpose. Nothing piqued my interest. Nothing gave me a reason to get out of bed. Despite having applied to numerous local places, I had no job. I joined intramurals, like every sport, even badminton + racquetball, but most of the seasons were canceled because there weren’t enough people interested in playing. I joined clubs, like movie club + English club, but there was never more than 12 people in the club, + half never showed up. 

So, since I was lacking energy, it became clear that I needed to determine what did give me energy so that I could pursue it + add more of it into my life to maximize my happiness. Essentially, this looked like hyper-in-the-moment presence. I became incredibly good at not allowing myself to think about my glory days in high school, + even better at not thinking about the unknown that lingered in front of me. I think this came from being so alone -- when you have no one to rant to, your brain just eventually becomes an amazing filter. It was empowering to see how well my body took care of me when I did not know I was capable of being that independent. Once I developed that new mindset, which was a conscious + hard readjustment every minute of the day ++ took a looong time to develop [+ lots of crying in dorm showers], I was able to focus on what gave me energy.

I found a few things that got me out of bed: watching or playing sports, working out, eating good food, + playing games with some people who lived on my floor. The thing is, these were all hard to attain at a small school with repulsive food [only one dining hall on campus], a gym the size of the second floor workout room in Kent, + D3 sports. It became increasingly clear that JCU was not going to be able to provide the calories I needed, both literally + figuratively because I was definitely malnutrient there, lol. 

It wasn’t easy to choose myself. Mainly, I was furious that I had ever let myself become so passive in my decision making. I became a backseat passenger in my own life, letting other people drive me around. I was so disappointed in myself for not being able to take care of myself well enough to choose the right school. So it wasn’t easy to admit to my friends, family, + mainly myself that I had royally messed up. But, the fact of the matter was that JCU wasn’t providing me energy -- it was draining it from me. So, assess your calorie intake + adjust your diet accordingly. + remember, how many calories you need is different than the person sitting next to you. Worry about your own diet, don’t compare it to others’. 

Secondly, I learned to eat the rainbow. This is an actual thing my nutrition professor told us, because every fruit + vegetable provides different nutrients, so you should always try to make your plate look like the rainbow rather than sticking to just green, which usually has the reputation of being super healthy. But, again, this is a metaphor. So, what the heck am I talking about here?

Essentially, try everything. When I was a freshman, I was super timid at first. After like two weeks of not meeting anyone remotely interesting, it became clear that I needed to push myself more. I promised myself to say yes to everything. + I did for the entire year. I ate the entire rainbow. I hung out with people I had nothing in common with just because they knocked on my door. I ended up at an Indians game because of it. I went on an immersion trip just because someone asked me if I wanted to, + it is now my fondest memory of JCU. I went to concerts for bands I didn’t know. I found myself up until 3 am watching drunk kids get arrested on campus just because I said yes to getting french fries with a random classmate. My best memories at JCU are all because I said yes to random offers that I usually would’ve been too close-minded or nervous to try in high school. 

So, don’t shy away from those fruits + veggies that have weird colors. You never know what you like until you try. One of my favorite song lyrics goes, “you’re gonna have to quit everything until you find the thing you can’t.” I really love that. Keep cycling through things. Try everything. Eat the rainbow. Quit the stuff that doesn’t give you energy, + keep doing the stuff that does.

Thirdly, I learned to avoid fad diets. These are the temporary, unhealthy trends that look good on Dr. Oz [or, more modern day, social media] but don’t work long-term. This is something I struggle with a lot, still. I love instant gratification. I love saying yes to everything. This often leads me down rabbit holes. I often find myself surrounded by people who don’t actually give a crap about me. To me, this is the hardest lesson on the list. I instantaneously vibe with a lot of people. But, a lot of times they end up being super unhealthy for me, + I either know this ++ ignore it because I’m a pushover with severe FOMO [the type of gal to prefer regretting doing something than regret having not done it], or I just am completely blind to it, focused on that instant sense of happiness.

This one is hard for me to talk about just because it actually is something I am still learning + dealing with constantly. I grew up around a lot of people who completely disagree with most of the things I grew up believing. For instance, my mom is super against chemicals. Like, what I mean by this is, my mom only buys very particular brands of soaps, laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, all that kind of stuff. She has been this way for the majority of my life. On top of that, she has been a gungho, organic, no cow milk, acupuncture, reiki, lotsa kale, type of person for most of my life. She calls herself a member of the Alternative Universe. Now, things like that may sound normal to you like they do for me [Kent in general is just very cool + accepting], but where I went to middle school + first year of college [not so much my high school], this stuff was foreign to my peers, + thus some thing to ridicule ++ make fun of me for. The health + wellness trend really did not exist where I grew up. I was a vegetarian during my time at JCU, + this was something that got made fun of. Another thing was my water bottle with a filter in it [gotta avoid that Cleveland lead]. + I think being bisexual didn’t help my case -- it was just another thing that made me an outlier. Kinda plays into the whole hippie vibes that I grew up around. I also was into tapping for a while [form of meditation // acupressure I learned in therapy], zen gardens, + meditating. Although I have grown out of performing some of those practices, I still believe in their powers + just don't always think I have time for them.

I surrounded myself with people that were so incredibly different from me growing up, + people who trashed the very things that made me tick, because I did not believe that I was worthy or capable of finding better. I did not understand that there were actually friendships in this world that you don’t dread participating in. I never knew how green the grass was on the other side; heck, I didn’t even know that green grass existed. I tolerated a lot of bad vibes for a long time, + even now I have trouble filtering through people ++ saying no to anyone, even when they despise bisexual, political, outspoken people like me.

I guess my point is this: these type of friendships are fad diets. They may satiate you in the moment by simply being there and listening to you, giving you a false sense of fulfillment for a short time when you need them, but, long-term, they drain you. I needed friends throughout life, so I found myself settling [+ sometimes still do] for whatever friendships I could // can find, ignoring the blatant signs of them being a fad diet. 

My point is really just to know your worth. Understand your value + accept absolutely nothing short of it. Don’t settle for the easy, convenient, quick-result fad diet. Find people [like CHAARG girls] who hype you up for what you are + help you become who YOU want to be, not who THEY want you to be. Surround yourself with people who have your best interest in mind. Choose a long-term, healthy lifestyle -- not a fad diet. 

Lastly, + perhaps most importantly, I have learned the incredible importance of treating yourself. I am addicted to being busy. After having experienced the evil of boredom at JCU, I vowed to never enter that realm again. Now, I busy myself with 13 hours of work a week, 10 hours at my internship that only counts for 3 credit hours, 12 credit hours of actual classes, + time for CHAARG duties, which is anywhere between 10-20 hours a week depending on how many events we have. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I LOVE to tutor, I enjoy my internship at the College of Business, + I cannot imagine my life without CHAARG -- CHAARG ends up being the highlight of every single week for me. 

But, the fact is, I am a busy person juggling lots of duties. I don’t shower every night like I used to because I don’t always have the physical energy to do so after long days. Cooking has become scarce for me because I cannot seem to find the time to do it. 

I think “treat yourself” has developed the connotation of eating sugar or spending money while shopping. But, sometimes it just means doing a face mask, some quick yoga before bed, or watching a few episodes of your favorite tv show [as our wonderful yoga instructor Nikki Costa-Lang says, "Self-care is personal, not commercial"]. The list might not be the same for you, but the point remains the same: make yourself a priority. You deserve your own attention. You deserve your own love. You deserve your own time + dedication.

Don’t lose yourself amid the chaos of life + tedious school work. 

Treat yourself, to me, really just means treat yourself well. 

+ that is your food for thought this evening.