All You Need is You
Last year, I wrote a blog titled "Are You Sure You Wanna Know?" The point of it was that, if you let yourself think and actively listen to those thoughts, it is easy to discover "who you are." I guess I was trying to explain an easy way for people (particularly in college) to "find themselves." However, I then wrote a blog titled "Braving the Changes." This blog is all about letting the wind blow you around and just going with the flow in order to find happiness in all of the obscure corners of the world. I contradicted myself entirely. I confuse myself, honestly. Because, on one hand, I do think that people "thought block" themselves; people ignore or dismiss their thoughts in a fit of denial. They do not let their minds wander. Sometimes this block is because of fear, other times we simply just get too busy to explore what is going on in the dark corners of our brains. All kinds of reasons. But, it does happen, and I do think it contributes to people not knowing "who they are" (as if that is something concrete and simple, lol). But, on the other hand, I do also genuinely believe that you have to push your comfort zone in order to discover your comfort zone. Push yourself to find yourself. You have to be single for a bit. You have to not have friends for a bit. You have to go to parties. You have to skip the parties. You have to try new workouts. You have to try new clubs. You get my point. I never realized how badly my blogs contradict themselves. It really shows my -T (tumultuous) aspect of my Myers Briggs Test results.
I don't know where I stand. I don't know how to figure out who you are. I do not know if you ever really can. I also don't know if it really matters. I just don't know.
But, here is what I do know. Whoever you are, you're stuck with yourself. Like that song, "clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with" myself, YO. The only person you are ever actually stuck with is yourself. An eternal bondage. You are never alone. Your dreams are you. Your thoughts are you. You are stuck in your physical capsule of a body. Nice to know, though, right? You are never alone. You always have yourself. Your id, ego, and superego, if you will. If you let it be, your brain is layered like that. It talks to itself. "No One is Alone" from Into the Woods has taken on a new meaning for me. It is not because of family and friends or the general population. It is because you are always with yourself.
I find comfort in knowing that I can count on myself until the end of my time. It means I will never be bored or alone. However, the concept likely would have intimidated me a year ago. I didn't like being lost in my mind, as it meant being stuck with criticism and doubts. It was crippling to let my mind wander and usually just led to miniature panic attacks or whatever you want to call them. I don't know when exactly the shift occurred, but I do know that I have developed a genuine love and interest in my own thoughts. I enjoy being up in my mind. I enjoy being alone. Maybe I just faked it for so long at JCU that I began to make it true. Or, maybe I spoke it into existence. I dunno, but I am happy that I got to this point.
I think people like this yoga instructor that works with CHAARG have helped me along the way. She had us listen to this cool spoken word about how "you are who you've been looking for." I love that. I really do. You are capable of becoming everything you are craving. You are capable of providing yourself with everything you need. So, don't "thought block" yourself. I guess at some point I just did some Spring cleaning in my brain and made it a wonderful place to reside in. I know that I'm stuck in my head for the rest of my time on Earth, so I have to constantly work on making it a comfy little place to curl up in.
Your mind is everything. It uniquely senses the world and develops original thoughts about these senses. You gotta get comfortable with it. You have to be your own hype man, your own critic, your own comic relief ... you have to do it all, because, ultimately, although there are other notable characters throughout life, you are all you have.
I don't know where I stand. I don't know how to figure out who you are. I do not know if you ever really can. I also don't know if it really matters. I just don't know.
But, here is what I do know. Whoever you are, you're stuck with yourself. Like that song, "clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with" myself, YO. The only person you are ever actually stuck with is yourself. An eternal bondage. You are never alone. Your dreams are you. Your thoughts are you. You are stuck in your physical capsule of a body. Nice to know, though, right? You are never alone. You always have yourself. Your id, ego, and superego, if you will. If you let it be, your brain is layered like that. It talks to itself. "No One is Alone" from Into the Woods has taken on a new meaning for me. It is not because of family and friends or the general population. It is because you are always with yourself.
I find comfort in knowing that I can count on myself until the end of my time. It means I will never be bored or alone. However, the concept likely would have intimidated me a year ago. I didn't like being lost in my mind, as it meant being stuck with criticism and doubts. It was crippling to let my mind wander and usually just led to miniature panic attacks or whatever you want to call them. I don't know when exactly the shift occurred, but I do know that I have developed a genuine love and interest in my own thoughts. I enjoy being up in my mind. I enjoy being alone. Maybe I just faked it for so long at JCU that I began to make it true. Or, maybe I spoke it into existence. I dunno, but I am happy that I got to this point.
I think people like this yoga instructor that works with CHAARG have helped me along the way. She had us listen to this cool spoken word about how "you are who you've been looking for." I love that. I really do. You are capable of becoming everything you are craving. You are capable of providing yourself with everything you need. So, don't "thought block" yourself. I guess at some point I just did some Spring cleaning in my brain and made it a wonderful place to reside in. I know that I'm stuck in my head for the rest of my time on Earth, so I have to constantly work on making it a comfy little place to curl up in.
Your mind is everything. It uniquely senses the world and develops original thoughts about these senses. You gotta get comfortable with it. You have to be your own hype man, your own critic, your own comic relief ... you have to do it all, because, ultimately, although there are other notable characters throughout life, you are all you have.
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