The Inexhaustible Variety of Life
Something that has been on my mind recently is how things change definition in college. You know how you know someone really well one-on-one and then you hang out with them in a new setting and they're totally different? Not bad, necessarily, just different. Who someone is alone with you is not who they are when they are entertaining a crowd of friends, and it is not who they are when working out, not who they are in class, not who they are at a concert ... you know? You have to change, adapt, read the situation, know your audience. But, anyway, definitions are similar to that. You have this one definition of a concept in high school, but then, when you get to college, those concepts redefine themselves. Not bad, necessarily, just adapting and keeping up with the times // setting. The main ones I would like to discuss (there are plenty more, but I gotta work on concision): time, friendship, and being alone.
For me, time was dispensable in high school. I was guaranteed the next day, which would be identical in regards to routine, and therefore had all of the time in the world. I never felt pushed to do something and do something now before the opportunity faded. I always felt relaxed and comfortable and like I had a bank full of time that could never be overdrawn. I mean, my God, I sat through classes from 8:00 am - 2:40 pm everyday. Time was not really important, it was something I just was granted and slugged through. I used to let time be wasted all of the time. I spent so much time watching TV, being an absolute bum. I know this is a classic kid syndrome. Now, time is of the absolute essence. I have to make the most of every minute if I want to make deadlines, get to class on time, be at work on time, eat, clean myself, clean my clothes, go to school events, maintain friendships, etc. I need every gosh darn minute it seems. But, at the same time, you realize how long an hour is and how long a day is. You realize how much you can achieve in one day, once you get away from bed and Netflix. Take my Mondays for instance: get on campus at 9:55 for my first class. Class 9:55 - 10:45, a break where I get all of my work done for the next class (lots of literature to read ((Great Books)), class 12:30 - 1:45, break where I have to feed myself and organize my week, work 3-4, food (?) and homework, work 5-9pm, finally go back to my apartment. Shower, eat dinner, workout // yoga, sleep. I don't know, maybe that's like not a lot. But, to me, it made me realize how much I can get done in one day. We really have plenty of time, BUT, that time is so incredibly valuable and I refuse to waste it on being a bum, people that are mean, etc. My time has become my prized possession, and I do not give it freely. I guess this also ties in with a newfound sense of self-worth. I just suddenly feel like I am actually worthy and capable of achieving things, so I can no longer be lazy. Additionally, I won't settle for unfulfilling relationships, anymore. Life is too short for that nonsense (always be nice tho, guys, this does not mean ignore humans!!).
In high school, I had a horrible concept of what a friend should be, and I do not think my perspective is universal. I used to think that friends were people that knew every nitty gritty detail of your life, were there for you constantly, could talk about absolutely anything, were this super reliable and trustworthy source for everything and anything at any time of day. I used to sleep with my sounds on so that I could be there for people when they needed me. I would get calls, usually for advice regarding break ups. I lost a lot of sleep (see, regarding time, I need my sleep now and you can bet my sounds are off, lol). I thought your friends were supposed to be like this deep passionate relationship. Idk if this is making sense, but people who know me know exactly what I mean. My expectations were insanely high. Consequently, I believed I had no friends because people were not willing to make these sacrifices for me or see me every goshdarn day. I guess I essentially dismissed the concept of acquaintances. Now, in college, all I have are acquaintances, and I love it. I used to think that people I only engaged in small talk with were not my friends. Now, I am completely content talking about shows and music for hours with some people that I consider close friends. I don't care that we don't rant or know each other's thoughts // past. It just isn't really important to me anymore. Plus, at this point, it would take a really long time to catch people up on my life. I still am not particularly good at small talk with strangers, but I do finally talk to people at events and in classes. I do enjoy knowing people at a distance, now. I can care about and love people without them staying up till 3am giving some profound confession about their entire life. I just grew up (thank God). I also dropped my expectations entirely. I now assume that people will not show up to plans. I always have a back up, or am content to be alone. I no longer think that people HAVE to show up to things. Thank God, because that used to break my heart a lot. I still get mad when it's big events or a lot of them in a row, but if people miss one plan it's just like, alright, they're busy, I get it, I have other stuff I can do, too. Being patient and forgiving has made me a much happier person.
Going along with that, being alone, for me, has changed drastically. I HATED being alone in high school. HATED HATED HATED it SOOOO MUCH. It gave me anxiety. I would turn into an entirely different human if I was alone for more than an hour. I think it was that good ol' fomo kicking in. I hated thinking that I was missing out on stuff, not being a real high schooler, things like that. I felt unloved and abandoned. I was the most dramatic human being ever. I have chilled out so much. It makes me incredibly happy to think about. I was seriously the pettiest human being ever, people who have put up with me through high school blow my mind. But, I dreaded being alone and rarely allowed it to happen. I am still an extrovert (I find my energy and deepest joy when being surrounded by another person or people), but I am gaining introverted tendencies. I look forward to being alone now. It is so funny. I cannot wait to get back to my apartment and just relax. I love being alone and listening to music and eating and not having to worry about anything but myself. I love being alone with my thoughts. I honestly entertain myself sometimes. I have laughed out loud at my own thoughts. I never used to think of myself as a funny person. O my goodness, the best part about being alone: making noises. There is nothing more wonderful than driving around alone just making noises. Not singing, just random noises. I love it. I don't know why. It just brings me sheer joy. I can't do that around people because it is annoying. Things like that; I have realized that there are certain things I can only do alone and that I enjoy those things. The other day, I did yoga in my underwear while eating chocolate. You just can't do that with friends. Coming home from a long day and pooping as loud and for as long as you want!!! Tell me something better. You can't.
And that, folks, is the inexhaustible variety of life -- definition version. All of these things mean something different to every person. Even within each person, these words change definitions and connotations constantly. Gotta let the changes happen! Being stagnant never gets anyone anywhere, literally.
For me, time was dispensable in high school. I was guaranteed the next day, which would be identical in regards to routine, and therefore had all of the time in the world. I never felt pushed to do something and do something now before the opportunity faded. I always felt relaxed and comfortable and like I had a bank full of time that could never be overdrawn. I mean, my God, I sat through classes from 8:00 am - 2:40 pm everyday. Time was not really important, it was something I just was granted and slugged through. I used to let time be wasted all of the time. I spent so much time watching TV, being an absolute bum. I know this is a classic kid syndrome. Now, time is of the absolute essence. I have to make the most of every minute if I want to make deadlines, get to class on time, be at work on time, eat, clean myself, clean my clothes, go to school events, maintain friendships, etc. I need every gosh darn minute it seems. But, at the same time, you realize how long an hour is and how long a day is. You realize how much you can achieve in one day, once you get away from bed and Netflix. Take my Mondays for instance: get on campus at 9:55 for my first class. Class 9:55 - 10:45, a break where I get all of my work done for the next class (lots of literature to read ((Great Books)), class 12:30 - 1:45, break where I have to feed myself and organize my week, work 3-4, food (?) and homework, work 5-9pm, finally go back to my apartment. Shower, eat dinner, workout // yoga, sleep. I don't know, maybe that's like not a lot. But, to me, it made me realize how much I can get done in one day. We really have plenty of time, BUT, that time is so incredibly valuable and I refuse to waste it on being a bum, people that are mean, etc. My time has become my prized possession, and I do not give it freely. I guess this also ties in with a newfound sense of self-worth. I just suddenly feel like I am actually worthy and capable of achieving things, so I can no longer be lazy. Additionally, I won't settle for unfulfilling relationships, anymore. Life is too short for that nonsense (always be nice tho, guys, this does not mean ignore humans!!).
In high school, I had a horrible concept of what a friend should be, and I do not think my perspective is universal. I used to think that friends were people that knew every nitty gritty detail of your life, were there for you constantly, could talk about absolutely anything, were this super reliable and trustworthy source for everything and anything at any time of day. I used to sleep with my sounds on so that I could be there for people when they needed me. I would get calls, usually for advice regarding break ups. I lost a lot of sleep (see, regarding time, I need my sleep now and you can bet my sounds are off, lol). I thought your friends were supposed to be like this deep passionate relationship. Idk if this is making sense, but people who know me know exactly what I mean. My expectations were insanely high. Consequently, I believed I had no friends because people were not willing to make these sacrifices for me or see me every goshdarn day. I guess I essentially dismissed the concept of acquaintances. Now, in college, all I have are acquaintances, and I love it. I used to think that people I only engaged in small talk with were not my friends. Now, I am completely content talking about shows and music for hours with some people that I consider close friends. I don't care that we don't rant or know each other's thoughts // past. It just isn't really important to me anymore. Plus, at this point, it would take a really long time to catch people up on my life. I still am not particularly good at small talk with strangers, but I do finally talk to people at events and in classes. I do enjoy knowing people at a distance, now. I can care about and love people without them staying up till 3am giving some profound confession about their entire life. I just grew up (thank God). I also dropped my expectations entirely. I now assume that people will not show up to plans. I always have a back up, or am content to be alone. I no longer think that people HAVE to show up to things. Thank God, because that used to break my heart a lot. I still get mad when it's big events or a lot of them in a row, but if people miss one plan it's just like, alright, they're busy, I get it, I have other stuff I can do, too. Being patient and forgiving has made me a much happier person.
Going along with that, being alone, for me, has changed drastically. I HATED being alone in high school. HATED HATED HATED it SOOOO MUCH. It gave me anxiety. I would turn into an entirely different human if I was alone for more than an hour. I think it was that good ol' fomo kicking in. I hated thinking that I was missing out on stuff, not being a real high schooler, things like that. I felt unloved and abandoned. I was the most dramatic human being ever. I have chilled out so much. It makes me incredibly happy to think about. I was seriously the pettiest human being ever, people who have put up with me through high school blow my mind. But, I dreaded being alone and rarely allowed it to happen. I am still an extrovert (I find my energy and deepest joy when being surrounded by another person or people), but I am gaining introverted tendencies. I look forward to being alone now. It is so funny. I cannot wait to get back to my apartment and just relax. I love being alone and listening to music and eating and not having to worry about anything but myself. I love being alone with my thoughts. I honestly entertain myself sometimes. I have laughed out loud at my own thoughts. I never used to think of myself as a funny person. O my goodness, the best part about being alone: making noises. There is nothing more wonderful than driving around alone just making noises. Not singing, just random noises. I love it. I don't know why. It just brings me sheer joy. I can't do that around people because it is annoying. Things like that; I have realized that there are certain things I can only do alone and that I enjoy those things. The other day, I did yoga in my underwear while eating chocolate. You just can't do that with friends. Coming home from a long day and pooping as loud and for as long as you want!!! Tell me something better. You can't.
And that, folks, is the inexhaustible variety of life -- definition version. All of these things mean something different to every person. Even within each person, these words change definitions and connotations constantly. Gotta let the changes happen! Being stagnant never gets anyone anywhere, literally.
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