Monster Mash
It's been a bit. I have been refreshingly busy. Well, at this particular moment, I am absolutely beat, but, overall, I am busy in a really nice way. So much has changed since I last wrote. It is so wild to think about. Life sure does work quickly. Isn't that odd? How your perspective on time can change? Like, time is flexible. Time is, of course, fake, which I suppose is how it so easily differs from mind to mind. For instance, my 94 year old grandma probably perceives time as super slow and just dragging along. My mom recently asked her what era she is in in life, and she replied, "the era of sleeping, isn't it a nice one?" She has a good mindset about it most days, but you can tell that her days are very long for her, now. But, for me, my mind perceives time as fleeting; I cannot get my hands on enough time. I am forever in need of more and am never granted it. Anyway. Cool stuff.
Lots has changed since I last checked in. Last year, I wrote a lot. It was my way of coping. It was my way of finding purpose. It was my way of finding the good even in my worst of years. Half way through this summer, when I hadn't written for like a month, my friend asked me, "do you think it is easier to write when you're sad?" This is something that I think gets discussed a lot with art. Like, you're supposed to be depressed and hurt in order to make art. As if pain creates art work. I do not know. But, anyway, despite what I just said, I actually do find that it's easier to write when I'm sad lol. Last year I had ammunition. I had ideas. I had things to write about. I had things that needed to be said and no people to hear them, so I had to write. I think that it is easier to write when I am sad, but that other people probably need my writing more when I am happy. As if anybody needs my writing. I like to pretend. Makes me happier.
I have watched so many shows since we last chatted. Seen so many concerts. Got a new job. Even bought new clothes. I have completely changed. Isn't that exciting? I have a lot more people in my life. Although, I do not know for how long they'll be staying. Sometimes I feel like I ruin my chance with people because of how much I want a chance. Y'know? Like I get super into people super quickly. I love talking a lot. I love keeping in touch. I think of people a lot. Like just while living life and experiencing things. Like something will happen that makes me think of someone and I feel the need to let them know that I was thinking about them. I call when I can. I text a lot. I genuinely love hearing about people's days, and I love hearing about what makes them tick. But, I feel like these seemingly positive things are actually negative. People almost seem to push away people who care because it is perceived as clingy or creepy. I think social media probably created this problem. Social media allows people to ALWAYS be in contact with one another. I think it probably really does turn a nice gal like me into a creep. Perhaps I am too active. It sucks. If I could just resist commenting and texting as much as I do, perhaps people would be more intrigued with me. Isn't that messed up? Like, we actually need to like each other less in order to survive the current social game.
Y'know, speaking of social media, I really have some beef with it. Beyond what I already said. I love social media. A lot. But sometimes it pisses me off. I often fear that people use social media as a way to decide if people are worth hanging out with or not. Like, you meet someone in person and are intrigued. For most people (it seems), the first thing they do when they get home from meeting this person is look them up on social media. If they have an aesthetic on social media that they agree with, they continue to hang out. But, if they have one questionable tweet. If they have one weird photo. That's it. Game over. You didn't make the cut. Isn't that sad? That people use a projection of yourself as a judgement of your real self. For example. I say "yo" and "y'all" online all of the time. But, it just looks good on text. I NEVER say that in real life. However, bam! People see that and interpret me in a certain way. I also am not photogenic. I am rather awkward. I think these awkward pictures are funny so I post them. But, to some people it just makes me a weirdo, and they do not find it funny. They just find me ugly and odd. It is wild. It is wild that how you present yourself on social media actually matters. That it actually dictates your social life. How sad. How sad is it that we can no longer make friends naturally.
Or maybe its just me, man. Who knows. Maybe I just am annoying in person so I get clippity clipped from people's lives. Hard to tell if it is me or really a social media epidemic like I perceive.
My sister always tells me I am overwhelmingly cocky, so maybe I really just am annoying. I think it is funny. Because my friends think I am like the most self deprecating human. They joke about it all the time. But, on the other hand, my family jokes about how cocky I am. And, honestly, I do not know which part of me is the true me. I am super critical of myself. Being the youngest, it is within my nature to compare myself to my siblings. Which, coming from my family, is probably not healthy. My siblings are absolutely killing it in life. So like, on one hand, I really am not confident. But, at the same time, I am younger. I still have time. I cannot really compare myself to people who have had more time to work on themselves than I have. I have faith that I will improve, and I am aware that I have some strengths. Some days. On a good day, at least. Sometimes I say intelligent things every now and then. Anyway. This was all just a tangent to avoid studying but I guess I really ought to get on that, now. A bit of a mish mash of thoughts, per usual. But now that it is spooky season, this will be named a monster mash. I guess my sense of humor hasn't approved in these four months. Sorry. So adios folks. Maybe I will actually come back here sooner than four months this time!! Stay tuned to find out.
Lots has changed since I last checked in. Last year, I wrote a lot. It was my way of coping. It was my way of finding purpose. It was my way of finding the good even in my worst of years. Half way through this summer, when I hadn't written for like a month, my friend asked me, "do you think it is easier to write when you're sad?" This is something that I think gets discussed a lot with art. Like, you're supposed to be depressed and hurt in order to make art. As if pain creates art work. I do not know. But, anyway, despite what I just said, I actually do find that it's easier to write when I'm sad lol. Last year I had ammunition. I had ideas. I had things to write about. I had things that needed to be said and no people to hear them, so I had to write. I think that it is easier to write when I am sad, but that other people probably need my writing more when I am happy. As if anybody needs my writing. I like to pretend. Makes me happier.
I have watched so many shows since we last chatted. Seen so many concerts. Got a new job. Even bought new clothes. I have completely changed. Isn't that exciting? I have a lot more people in my life. Although, I do not know for how long they'll be staying. Sometimes I feel like I ruin my chance with people because of how much I want a chance. Y'know? Like I get super into people super quickly. I love talking a lot. I love keeping in touch. I think of people a lot. Like just while living life and experiencing things. Like something will happen that makes me think of someone and I feel the need to let them know that I was thinking about them. I call when I can. I text a lot. I genuinely love hearing about people's days, and I love hearing about what makes them tick. But, I feel like these seemingly positive things are actually negative. People almost seem to push away people who care because it is perceived as clingy or creepy. I think social media probably created this problem. Social media allows people to ALWAYS be in contact with one another. I think it probably really does turn a nice gal like me into a creep. Perhaps I am too active. It sucks. If I could just resist commenting and texting as much as I do, perhaps people would be more intrigued with me. Isn't that messed up? Like, we actually need to like each other less in order to survive the current social game.
Y'know, speaking of social media, I really have some beef with it. Beyond what I already said. I love social media. A lot. But sometimes it pisses me off. I often fear that people use social media as a way to decide if people are worth hanging out with or not. Like, you meet someone in person and are intrigued. For most people (it seems), the first thing they do when they get home from meeting this person is look them up on social media. If they have an aesthetic on social media that they agree with, they continue to hang out. But, if they have one questionable tweet. If they have one weird photo. That's it. Game over. You didn't make the cut. Isn't that sad? That people use a projection of yourself as a judgement of your real self. For example. I say "yo" and "y'all" online all of the time. But, it just looks good on text. I NEVER say that in real life. However, bam! People see that and interpret me in a certain way. I also am not photogenic. I am rather awkward. I think these awkward pictures are funny so I post them. But, to some people it just makes me a weirdo, and they do not find it funny. They just find me ugly and odd. It is wild. It is wild that how you present yourself on social media actually matters. That it actually dictates your social life. How sad. How sad is it that we can no longer make friends naturally.
Or maybe its just me, man. Who knows. Maybe I just am annoying in person so I get clippity clipped from people's lives. Hard to tell if it is me or really a social media epidemic like I perceive.
My sister always tells me I am overwhelmingly cocky, so maybe I really just am annoying. I think it is funny. Because my friends think I am like the most self deprecating human. They joke about it all the time. But, on the other hand, my family jokes about how cocky I am. And, honestly, I do not know which part of me is the true me. I am super critical of myself. Being the youngest, it is within my nature to compare myself to my siblings. Which, coming from my family, is probably not healthy. My siblings are absolutely killing it in life. So like, on one hand, I really am not confident. But, at the same time, I am younger. I still have time. I cannot really compare myself to people who have had more time to work on themselves than I have. I have faith that I will improve, and I am aware that I have some strengths. Some days. On a good day, at least. Sometimes I say intelligent things every now and then. Anyway. This was all just a tangent to avoid studying but I guess I really ought to get on that, now. A bit of a mish mash of thoughts, per usual. But now that it is spooky season, this will be named a monster mash. I guess my sense of humor hasn't approved in these four months. Sorry. So adios folks. Maybe I will actually come back here sooner than four months this time!! Stay tuned to find out.
you are a funny gal
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