CHAARG into the Future
Another retreat in the books. I've attended many retreats at this point, and each one continues to move me in new ways. I have seen a lot of things and met a lot of people because of these retreats. Yet, something always happens, even though I know it is coming and expect it to come, it always happens. That moment where everything rushes over you in an overwhelming wave of emotions. A strong urge to hug the person next to you, a kaleidoscope of emotions. It is, in short, the sense of community. The perfect recipe for community: sadness, joy, and anger. The main emotions that bind people in a unique way. Reaching into your soul and drawing forward what makes you sad and shedding it. Crapping out all of the emotional waste in your body and having someone listen to it. Hearing everybody else's stories and getting angry that anyone could've hurt such a precious soul. That anyone could hurt any soul ... But, ultimately, joy. Sitting around a fire and getting to understand someone. Hearing them laugh. Watching their eyes light up about something they enjoy. Understanding them on a new plane having heard their stories. Learning what makes someone tick. Sharing stories. And, most importantly, feeling loved. Feeling like there are actually people in this world who will sit and listen and genuinely care for you.
On that note, I want to mention how different this retreat was from anything I have ever done before. On most retreats, you fall in love with strangers. You spend a few nights with them. You pour your most inner-self into them and fill your own self with bits of them. Yknow, get your mind out of the gutter, alright? You fill each other up. You provide what people need in that moment, and they do the same for you. Retreats are beautiful in the moment. But, then the high ends. Like kairos, for instance (jesuit retreat my high school and other religious high schools do (its so cool that I have to explain stuff like that now that I have new people in my life who did not go to the same high school as me)). We all get "kai high." We are all so fresh-faced, loved, and loving at the end of kairos. And then you go back to school. And everything is restored to normal. Your new "friends" return to their particular clique and you politely nod to them in the hallways. Although you were amazed for a few days, no permanent change is made.
That is where this retreat is different. This retreat, I should mention, was through CHAARG, an organization I joined at Kent State's campus. CHAARG stands for Changing Health Attitudes and Actions to Recreate Girls. Essentially, it is a club that gets together and works out. But, to extrapolate more, it is a club made to make girls fall in love with themselves and their peers. It is like a sorority, minus the judgement and high standards, and plus emotional bonds and a girl gang vibe. CHAARG goes beyond the pictures. Goes beyond the outfits. It really isn't a sorority at all, I just know it is easier for people to understand it as being a super freaking cool sorority since it is indeed all girls.
But, anyway. This retreat is unique because it is long lasting. You are still a member of the club. You will see these girls every Tuesday to work out, and every week for a small group workout, and other times if you join the social events. This retreat is not just a shared experience with strangers; it is the foundation for long lasting friendships or mutual respect for acquaintances. Like okay just to slip in a quick complaint about John Carroll, I went on a retreat there last year. Stayed up all night with this group of people. Like, actually did not sleep at all. We stayed up downstairs and ate snacks and talked all night. We talked about like deep stuff too. We never hung out after. Like, maybe once? Never spoke to each other again. What is up with that??? Why are people so closed off? Why can't we just make friends and keep on being friends?
Anyway. It's just a beautiful day to blog, and I also wanted to throw out some nice advertising for CHAARG. If you have a chapter on your campus, join. It's super cheap. It makes you feel empowered, it gives you friends, and it provides a way to destress from life. Check it out https://chaarg.com/about/
But hell, I might as well get a little personal since I've got the laptop open and the sun shining.
The last time I wrote a letter to myself was at the end of my immersion trip in Cleveland. The letter was LENGTHY. The whole thing was pretty much about new starts. I wrote to myself about dropping people. About how I didn't think of a lot of the people in my life while on immersion and how nice it was. How liberating it was to know I could be alone with my thoughts and not have them wander to the people I missed. I, in short, didn't miss anyone anymore. So, the letter was like a final encouragement of like, don't be afraid to shed these people even though you're close to them, because they can be mean and bad and you obviously do not need them. Often, I get so caught up in my current relationships that I forget that I can make more. Like, I love my friends. So, it is easy to think I do not need more. No need to go out of my way to make friends. But, then I am alone on a Friday night because all of my friends go to different schools. But, last year, I was the opposite of that. I was so far away from being myself. So, anyway, yeah. The letter was pretty much like, get rid of nasty people, fuck em, who needs them. But the letter I wrote last night was more like, yoooo, we need friends, self, whatchu gon do about that??? I always stop myself from making friends. Say the wrong things at the wrong time, am too blunt, share too much. I hate it. I watch myself trying to make friends and hate myself the whole time. I actually have a different voice. Have you guys ever noticed that? O my god it is so annoying. I actually straight ACT in front of people. Like my voice and vocabulary changes. WHY?! I cuss more, I do not act as goofy as I actually am, and my voice gets like, deeper and rushed and just annoying. I mean my god I wouldn't befriend me. But, I also know what is underneath that obnoxious imposter of myself and know that she's really chill and emotional and not so technical and yeah she isn't religious but she's mega spiritual and loves to cry and hug and is so different than the weird, spastic, and annoying Maria that interacts with strangers.
So. The intention last year was to shed people. The intention this year is to add people. Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is how much I've changed. Like, a lot. It is so cool to stop and check in with myself and watch my own progress. I have gone through so many phases. I like my current phase, though, and I am at an age that I think it might stick. I mean, parts of your phases will always continue into your new phases. But, I love who I am right now so I hope this version of me lasts a long time. May this Maria CHAARG into the future. I promise my humor and terrible puns will eventually change, too.
On that note, I want to mention how different this retreat was from anything I have ever done before. On most retreats, you fall in love with strangers. You spend a few nights with them. You pour your most inner-self into them and fill your own self with bits of them. Yknow, get your mind out of the gutter, alright? You fill each other up. You provide what people need in that moment, and they do the same for you. Retreats are beautiful in the moment. But, then the high ends. Like kairos, for instance (jesuit retreat my high school and other religious high schools do (its so cool that I have to explain stuff like that now that I have new people in my life who did not go to the same high school as me)). We all get "kai high." We are all so fresh-faced, loved, and loving at the end of kairos. And then you go back to school. And everything is restored to normal. Your new "friends" return to their particular clique and you politely nod to them in the hallways. Although you were amazed for a few days, no permanent change is made.
That is where this retreat is different. This retreat, I should mention, was through CHAARG, an organization I joined at Kent State's campus. CHAARG stands for Changing Health Attitudes and Actions to Recreate Girls. Essentially, it is a club that gets together and works out. But, to extrapolate more, it is a club made to make girls fall in love with themselves and their peers. It is like a sorority, minus the judgement and high standards, and plus emotional bonds and a girl gang vibe. CHAARG goes beyond the pictures. Goes beyond the outfits. It really isn't a sorority at all, I just know it is easier for people to understand it as being a super freaking cool sorority since it is indeed all girls.
But, anyway. This retreat is unique because it is long lasting. You are still a member of the club. You will see these girls every Tuesday to work out, and every week for a small group workout, and other times if you join the social events. This retreat is not just a shared experience with strangers; it is the foundation for long lasting friendships or mutual respect for acquaintances. Like okay just to slip in a quick complaint about John Carroll, I went on a retreat there last year. Stayed up all night with this group of people. Like, actually did not sleep at all. We stayed up downstairs and ate snacks and talked all night. We talked about like deep stuff too. We never hung out after. Like, maybe once? Never spoke to each other again. What is up with that??? Why are people so closed off? Why can't we just make friends and keep on being friends?
Anyway. It's just a beautiful day to blog, and I also wanted to throw out some nice advertising for CHAARG. If you have a chapter on your campus, join. It's super cheap. It makes you feel empowered, it gives you friends, and it provides a way to destress from life. Check it out https://chaarg.com/about/
But hell, I might as well get a little personal since I've got the laptop open and the sun shining.
The last time I wrote a letter to myself was at the end of my immersion trip in Cleveland. The letter was LENGTHY. The whole thing was pretty much about new starts. I wrote to myself about dropping people. About how I didn't think of a lot of the people in my life while on immersion and how nice it was. How liberating it was to know I could be alone with my thoughts and not have them wander to the people I missed. I, in short, didn't miss anyone anymore. So, the letter was like a final encouragement of like, don't be afraid to shed these people even though you're close to them, because they can be mean and bad and you obviously do not need them. Often, I get so caught up in my current relationships that I forget that I can make more. Like, I love my friends. So, it is easy to think I do not need more. No need to go out of my way to make friends. But, then I am alone on a Friday night because all of my friends go to different schools. But, last year, I was the opposite of that. I was so far away from being myself. So, anyway, yeah. The letter was pretty much like, get rid of nasty people, fuck em, who needs them. But the letter I wrote last night was more like, yoooo, we need friends, self, whatchu gon do about that??? I always stop myself from making friends. Say the wrong things at the wrong time, am too blunt, share too much. I hate it. I watch myself trying to make friends and hate myself the whole time. I actually have a different voice. Have you guys ever noticed that? O my god it is so annoying. I actually straight ACT in front of people. Like my voice and vocabulary changes. WHY?! I cuss more, I do not act as goofy as I actually am, and my voice gets like, deeper and rushed and just annoying. I mean my god I wouldn't befriend me. But, I also know what is underneath that obnoxious imposter of myself and know that she's really chill and emotional and not so technical and yeah she isn't religious but she's mega spiritual and loves to cry and hug and is so different than the weird, spastic, and annoying Maria that interacts with strangers.
So. The intention last year was to shed people. The intention this year is to add people. Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is how much I've changed. Like, a lot. It is so cool to stop and check in with myself and watch my own progress. I have gone through so many phases. I like my current phase, though, and I am at an age that I think it might stick. I mean, parts of your phases will always continue into your new phases. But, I love who I am right now so I hope this version of me lasts a long time. May this Maria CHAARG into the future. I promise my humor and terrible puns will eventually change, too.
Hi I'm you're biggest fan
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