Sunrise on a Cloudy Morning

Towards the end of this school year, during the final stretch of finishing up papers and big projects, I had a conversation with a friend of mine about research. She said that she is not good at researching things because she has to read her entire source before choosing quotes and deciding if it will help her. She told me, "I cannot skim; I feel like I will miss out on the line I want." Essentially, she is always looking for something better, knowing that anything can exist and that she may find something else if she keeps looking. Always unsatisfied, but always optimistic. As an English major who actually thoroughly enjoys research like a total nerd, I retorted that "I am very good at skimming and just seeing what I want to see and manipulating lines into being useful." I usually pick out a section from a book that I want to investigate, skim, read maybe two pages, and select a quote. I am rather eloquent with my phrasing so I can make anything work and make sense. I can argue any angle. I am not intelligent; rather, I am a master at manipulating words so as to make people believe I am a genius. I fake it till I make it, really. Anything works for me.

After I said this, I pulled one of my MY GOD THAT WAS PROFOUND moments. Sometimes phrasing just makes mundane conversations sound like they are revealing the core of humans' existences. Like yeah, we were just talking about research. But, one could argue that that really is how I am in life. I make anything work. The people that are closest to me may disagree because they hear my rants and see my dissatisfaction with things and people. However, I have had several phases in my life where I simply go with it and make it work. Friendships I didn't really like but knew I needed to make it work. Jobs I wanted to quit but forced myself to continue for the money. Yes, I quit all of the sports I played. But, I also made basketball work for the last year when I hated it. Same with tennis. I just kinda go with the flow and make whatever is presented to me work. What is interesting, is that some people really don't see that side of me. Half of the people in my life think I am terrified by change, while the other half know that I have serious commitment issues. Half of the people know that I am a spontaneous make-anything-work person, and the other half think I am comfortable and continually unsatisfied with life.

Isn't that interesting? How people have such different views on you? But like, at the same time, you really are a different person around different people, too. Like, am I that different around those two groups of people, or are the two groups so different from each other that they interpret my same self differently? Fascinating stuff. It is nice to play a different role for the variety of people in my life, though. And, frankly, I think I really am both. When I actually love the people in my life, of course I hate change. It is not because I hate CHANGE, though, it is because I hate losing people I love. And yeah I am spontaneous, but I also have a huge fear of water because I hit my head on the bottom of a pool once and bled a lot so I won't spontaneously cliff jump. Things like that, yknow? Isn't it kinda nice to know that you can be whoever the hell you want or do and be whatever you want? There is so much freedom in this world.

You can be whoever makes you happy. You can do whatever brings you joy. Yeah, not everyone will necessarily stand by you or understand whatever you're into (like how none of my friends understood my Starkid phase, or how some people think my music taste is weird. Or even just how I dress and put in zero effort. You simply will not vibe with everyone you meet. In fact, back when I was seeing this therapist girl, she once taught me this vibration theory. It is super hippiey, but she totally ascribes to it and I kinda like it too. Essentially, the theory is that everything in life vibrates. Even humans. And when humans vibrate at the same rate, they get along. Some people, however, vibrate much quicker than others and they simply will not get along with another. Hence, vibing. Literally. You may or may not vibe with someone. I am fond of the theory since it explains how I cannot be in the room with some people even when I barely know them, but have a strange desire to be constantly around other people who I also barely know). But, you must maintain your own personal demeanor and pursue what makes you happy (without, of course, harming others). My point being, it is important to know that you are the bee's knees, but also that a lot of people are allergic to bees. Be confident in yourself and keep at what you love, as long as you know that not everyone will love and accept and want to be around what you deliver. Not everyone is going to like you. It would be boring and dull if every human you met praised you. You need a challenge in life. Every good show has an enemy and a friend. Without the bad guy, there is no good guy. Yknow? You are a great person, I swear, just not everyone is into that type of good person.

I've been thinking a lot lately about labels. No surprise there, I always am thinking a lot about labels. In high school, my lunch table pretty much exclusively talked about labels. Recently, I wrote a research paper about how labels effect the success of education. So, it has been on my mind a lot. And, I have decided that the only important label in life is your name. I truly mean it, too. Every human is such a unique combination of attributes that you cannot label them or make sense of them, they simply work together to be known as yourself. Your name. I cannot really properly explain myself. Definitely not objectively. I will brag about what I like about myself (my hair, eyes, intelligence, passion for citrus, and worn out basketball skills), and leave out my flaws. You can never really know who I am by listening to labels and thus assuming stereotypes. You can never really know me through word of mouth or my own descriptions. The only way to get to know me is to spend time with me and see how I truly work. And, you may think I am the bee's knees when you get to know me, or you may learn that you are allergic to bees. Gotta decide on your own though, not by labels. I cannot describe myself. I am simply Maria Ferrato. You can figure out what that means on your own.

Life is like a sunrise on a cloudy morning, I think. Kinda switching subjects here. But, isn't it? Some days are often cloudy, but, underneath, there is always sun waiting. You might have to go find it. You might have to walk down the beach to get a better angle and wait for the clouds to leave. Sometimes that is all it takes -- a new angle. Other times, you might just have to wait. There are natural causes in life that cause cloudy days. On those days, you just gotta sit out on the porch and wait for the goddamn clouds to pass. But, whatever it takes, the sun is always waiting to shine upon you. Change your skin a little, make you feel a little better, and, quite literally, give you life.

The big question is... are people like a sunrise on a cloudy morning too? That's a big one, right? I think so. I think people have bad days that cloud their judgement (pun intended...?), but, ultimately, they are sunny underneath. I think humans are inherently good. Deep down, I think the core of all humans is goodness. A nice sun that merely wants to shine upon fellow humans. The problem is, with perception, we may interpret their fond actions as evil... Not going to get into politics or major flaws in mankind though. I know some people think humans are more like.. an eclipse? Lack of sun? Some people think the core of humans can be bad. But, I choose to disagree.

Anyway. Some food for thought I suppose. Get out there and bee yourself!!!

Comments

Popularity Contest (Most Viewed Posts)