Lovable Liquids

Yesterday, in my chemistry class, I re-learned the differences between gases, liquids, and solids. My teacher showed us a chart with no surprising information on it, it is all common sense. But, it really stood out to me. This is pretty much what it said: solids do not take the shape of a container, but liquids and gases do. Solids and liquids do not fully fill the container, but gases do. Solids and liquids have definite volumes, but gases do not. Solids have a definite shape, but liquids and gases do not. Just basic science, but also just something you naturally know by observing life. Anyway, it really struck me in a metaphorical sense. I was recently chatting with my really good friend about how everyone in my life views me as super confident and outspoken. People believe that I am relentlessly myself. My sister has told me she is inspired by me because I have never felt the need to be “pretty.” I do not wear makeup (didn’t even own any until the summer going into college), I wear jeans and a boring hoody every day, that kind of thing. My brother once told me that he knows I feel (this was in high school) weird, but that in college everyone would appreciate who I am. Implying that I have a strong and unique personality. On my immersion, and in an interview I had last semester, I was told that I am an independent and confident person who is unabashedly myself. I honestly am not sure if they are right. I think I doubt myself a lot more than anyone realizes. I regret about 78% of the things I say or do. Anyway, because of the conversation, when I first saw this chart about solids and liquids and gases, I thought about writing a blog about how people should be solids. They should have definite shapes and volumes. They should know who they are and define themselves and be exclusively and unashamedly themselves. But, then I realized that solids do not take on the shape of their container. Which, on one hand, is a positive. That would symbolically imply that you do not succumb to norms and peer pressure. But, on the other hand, it means that you do not fit in, and humans need community and love to live.

I think people should be liquids. They should have a definite volume (a set of morals and basic personality), but not a set shape. You should never be so stubborn that you refuse and reject change. Further, you should take the shape of the container, BUT NOT FULLY. You should not fill the container, because that would mean sacrificing your very self. But, sometimes in life, you need to fit to the shape. Some people are gases. I call them cookie cutter people. Those people who just completely take the shape of the entire container they are in. They become exactly what society is and expects. They are boring, nice, and dull. Other people are solids. They are dependable, but extremely stubborn and selfish. The best people are liquids; humans who know who they are and what they believe, but are able to fake it and be happy in any situation. I wish I was more of a liquid, because then I would be happier at JCU. Unfortunately, I am a solid.

The ideal person, obviously, would be water. Someone who could be a solid, liquid, or gas. But, in its natural state, is liquid. We should all strive to be water.

I am awful at first impressions. I really am. I have an awful personality initially. Well, that being said, I really impress adults and interviewers and parents with my first impressions. But, with people my own age, my first impressions are just painful to watch. I am quiet, and, when I do speak, I say the worst jokes ever. I mumble. I am rude. I am aggressively steadfast in my opinions. I grow on people, though. Like, if you are forced to be with me for a while, my personality will grow on you. My humor and sarcasm slowly start to make sense, I get more confident in the delivery of my jokes, I’ll fart more and laugh more and dance more and sing more. I become myself … just very slowly. Dear God, though, the worst part of myself when it comes to first impressions is how obsessive I get. I love people. Like a lot. I just think humans are dandy creatures and I love being around them. So, when I meet someone I enjoy, someone who I think is cool and we had a really great conversation, I attach to them so quickly. I text them a lot and ask them to hang out a ton. I hate being alone. I get pissed when I have to be alone for more than like three hours. I need people in my life. I get offended when people do not answer my texts even when I know I am being annoying and petty and am sending WAY TOO MUCH stuff. Like, I know I am being extra, but I cannot seem to control myself. I just love being with people and being away from them is hard for me. I am a creep, honestly. I miss people I should not miss. I talk about people who probably do not even think about me. People have profound impressions on me, and they have likely forgotten about me. I also love telling people how I feel. Which usually sucks. Like, for example, on my immersion trip, we had these jars where people could put affirmations in. It was supposed to be for casual compliments. Like, “you have a warm smile.” But, me being the English major romantic fool I am, I wrote everyone a novel about how great they are and how they have made me a better person. I personally think it is important for people to know how great they are. I think it is flattering and important for the journey of developing self-worth. But, I also know how creepy and weird it is. I am a solid though, so I cannot seem to adjust to the societal understanding that you cannot cling to people like that. I wish I was a liquid. Being a solid really leads to a lot of heart breaks and embarrassing moments of obnoxious love professions. 

So, yeah man. Just be a liquid. Sometimes you have to do what society wants. You have to wear pants in public. No matter how strongly you feel about nudity being normalized. But, at the same time, you have to know who you are and what you believe.