Like What

When I was younger, I was obsessed with Aly and AJ, the twins from Disney Channel. In particular, I loved the song, “Like Woah.” Classic. Gander at the chorus here: “Like a roller coaster ride. Holding on by knuckles like. Whoa, whoa (Can't believe I'm like), Whoa, whoa, (Got me feeling like). Up and down and side to side. Every inch of me is like, Whoa, whoa, (Got me feeling like), Whoa, whoa.” Beautifully crafted. I am kidding of course, it is just catchy.

But, this song is exactly how I feel. Like, woah. Like, what? Where is my life? What is this life? Where the hell did the time go? It is spring break… what? How did I get here? I feel like I was just eating fast food with my friend on the last day of summer together. And, now, I do not even know if that friend and I will eat fast food again this summer. Life has taken some major turns. College is wild. My concept of time has completely shattered and rebuilt. Just like myself. I have completely crumbled and rebuilt. I feel so incredibly different. Which is funny because I still wear the same clothes, make the same jokes, and have the same morals. I just feel different. It is hard to explain. Life just kinda took me in, shook my shoulders, scrambled my brain, and then put the pieces back together in a new way. So many things have changed.

I recently have had a lot of good conversations with people about life. With my famous friend who is always mentioned on this blog, she might as well just write her own posts at this point, we had a really great talk about people. If you have time, I insist you go on Netflix right now, go to “Everything Sucks,” episode 8. Start when there is 10:10 left in the episode. Watch until Leslie is standing alone by the pool. My friend and I had a really great talk about this scene. Because it is just so relevant right now. Essentially, this scene is just about how we are always so busy chasing the unattainable that we miss the beautiful people and opportunities that are there for us already. We always want more. When all we really have to do is turn around and appreciate who is waiting for us. I have seen these meme thingys on the interweb about how people are like “I wish someone would hang out with me” in one picture, and then in the next picture someone asks them to hang out with them and they say no… Like because it wasn’t who they wanted to ask them. We get so picky and particular about what we want that we stop ourselves from being happy. I have gotten so much better at this in college. I no longer care. I just take whoever or whatever is in front of me and go with it. I no longer have petty expectations and hopes for the “cool” and “desirable” people to hang out with me. I am just happy to not be alone. College does that to you. I wish high school me had mastered that, but, as “Everything Sucks” perfectly captures (you should all watch it’s AMAZING), it is really hard to notice the people who are always there and want you because you are always chasing for something “better.” Imma call it the Gatsby Glitch. Because we are all Gatsby, “boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into” our own mistakes and human flaws. We always look forward or back, and never at who or what is right beside us.

But seriously. College man. It is so wild. No amount of warnings or stories can prepare you for the amount of change you will go through in college. The thing is, you individually change the most, which makes other people seem like they changed more than they have. So, I am in a Chemistry class right now, and I think science actually has the easiest metaphor for exploring this immense amount of change. I am referring to the cycle of carbon. As you may remember, matter is never created nor destroyed. It is always recycled. Carbon, specifically, lives a really interesting immortal life. We breath in .4ppm of Carbon daily (roughly) and breath out 4 ppm (or something like that lol I am an English major, science is not for me). But, whatever the numbers are, the point is that carbon makes up who we are. Yet, we lose the carbon within us every day and gain new carbon every day. The carbon we breath out then moves into like plants, for instance, which are then eaten by like a cow or something who then poops it out and the carbon is then emitted back into the atmosphere and then becomes a rock or something. Some of the carbon in you right now could have been the carbon that Lincoln or Washington or Mozart or someone breathed in. Carbon that was once Meryl Streep is now you.

My point is this: you are a different person every single day. Literally. Physically. The matter that makes up your body, brain, thoughts, and movements is different every single day. The carbon you were yesterday is not the carbon you are today. Now, this is what I use to support why I believe in reincarnation, but that is a blog for a different day. Today, I want you to realize that you are going to change. It is inevitable. Your morals will shift, your interests will alter, your thoughts will mature. But, more subtly, unnoticeably, and inexplicably, your feelings for other people will change. I have watched so many people just stop being attracted to each other this year. It is insane. But like, it is just life. Like, what? Like woah. How? But like, it is inevitable and common. Friendships you never thought you would lose fade, because sometimes you just kinda do not like the person anymore. And you cannot offer an explanation or a timeline, it just like happens. And romantic relationships just randomly lose their spark. Not for any particular reason. You cannot put your finger on it, you just know that it is true. Sometimes, even the people you swore forever with just kinda become annoying to you. But, like, it is just life, man. I don’t know. It is not something you can explain. You have to feel it. No book can prepare you for it. It is odd. LIFE IS SO ODD. Why even read books or watch movies when you can just watch your own life unfold? I promise you you will not be where you think you’ll be in a year. Life just does not let that happen. Life is unexpected. Life has the best punch lines and the worst plot twists. You will never be able to guess the plot or the characters.

People grow If they do not grow up, I would ditch them, honestly. Changing and growing is exhilarating and important. People who do not change in college freak me out. You should be different. You should have stories, experiences, a newfound independence, and just an internal shift. You should have a new cast of characters and subplots. I have decided that this change, like the big seismic shifts in character, happens about either every three months or very four years. Yknow how taste buds change every seven years? Well, internal taste changes every three months or every four years. Life kind of shapes our brains to think like this. Because high school and college are four years and summer is three months. Major changes happen during those time periods, so it is like your body starts to crave change based on those time periods. It really has been super true in my life. Plus, four years is like the major year changes. Let us start from the beginning. 0-4!! Major changes. You go from fetus to walking talking toddler. 4-8, depending on your sex, is the difference between a cute toddler and a reading, sporty little kid (sex depending I mean because guys develop later in life, so usually this is more true for females). 8-12! You go from little kid to bitchy, petty, selfish, pre-teen. 12-16, you go from wild middle schooler to driving and actually studying. 16-20, you go from high school drama and dating a ton of people to sex and drugs and independence. 20-24 you go from wildly fun college years to having a job and maybe even a spouse… You get the point. Life changes like that simply cannot allow for the same people or internal feelings.

You know the line from The Fault in Our Stars? The one that is like, “I fell in love with you the way you fall asleep; slowly, then all at once.” THAT IS LITERALLY LIFE. Like, John Green nailed it. I really am experiencing how true it is. It takes about three months to deal with something, and then, all at once, you wake up fine. You trudge and dread for so long and then one day you wake up and it is gone. Whether it be sadness, stress, adjusting, love, happiness… one day it is there and drawn out and the next day it is gone. Slowly, then all at once. Both the adding and subtracting process. Things feel so long and then all of a sudden everything is different. Life is like walking out of a movie theater while there was a snowstorm during your movie. Slowly the snow builds up, but you do not know so to you it is a sudden change when you leave. Life happens while you’re not looking. Slowly, then all at once.

I guess what I am trying to say is what Matthew Broderick from Ferris Bueller’s day off already said so well, “life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

So, since it moves so fast, let’s slow down, be still, and enjoy it. Or, as The Head and the Heart so eloquently put it, “The world's just spinning a little too fast. If things don't slow down soon
we might not last. The world's not forgiving of everyone's fears. The days turn into months the months turn into years. So, just for a moment, let's be still.”