Wherever the Wind Takes Us

When I was a little girl, my dad used to take me and my siblings on bike rides around town. Whenever we asked him where we were going that day, he would answer, “wherever the wind takes us!” Sometimes the wind took us far, other times the wind only blew for a few minutes as we rode around the block. Most times, though, the wind blew us toward food. Once, the wind blew us on an hour trek (round trip) to Friendly’s for ice cream. We had to bike on the bike trail, through a neighborhood, and across a bridge that dangerously intersected a highway exit. Another time, the wind blew us to a variety of fast food places for a small snack from each destination. Chips from Taco Bell, fries from McDonalds, burgers from Swenson’s, etc. That one was my favorite trip.

My father is a brave, creative, and adventurous man. I have no idea what the truth is, but I genuinely believe that he left the house every time with absolutely no idea where he was going. He really went wherever the wind took him. He made decisions only when turns were necessary, and pointed his bike in the direction of his gut instinct (literally sometimes, when food was involved). Perhaps my dad was teaching us good exercise routines. Perhaps he wanted us to be directionally gifted, and planted a map of the city in our brains for us. Perhaps he just wanted to spend time with his kids and biking was his favorite way to do it. I, however, think his intentions went quite deeper than that. Even if he never intended those journeys to mean anything, they have heavily influenced my life.

Life is meant to be lived in whatever direction the wind blows you. You are not living some predestined subway line. You are not the victim of predestination. You have control over your fate. Further, fate does not even exist. Now, if you know me, you know this defies everything I believe in. Well, to you people thinking that, keep up. I’ve changed. Fate is bullshit. I have lost all faith in any sense of romantic notions. I would love for them to be true. And I do still believe in signs. But, I think I just believe that signs appear to those who are willing to notice them, and they do not have to listen to the signs if they do not want to. They can go off road and pave a new path. Signs are not equivalent to fate, they are merely prompts to those who are in need of guidance. Fate, though. Fate is bologna and cheese if I ever did see it. Human beings are unpredictable, and often unexpectedly shitty (sometimes unexpectedly amazing). Fate cannot foresee human intervention. Perhaps fate sets the scene, but humans have the ability to go off script. My point? Wherever the wind blows you, kick your legs up and be blown in that direction. See where you get.

I recently wrote a simile that I quite love. I have been writing a lot recently. Between my new blog (not run by me), The California Roll (https://www.caliroll.style/blog), my novel that I am writing, and class work, I am constantly writing. It has been really nice. However, due to this amount of writing, I never remember where I wrote what. So, I am sorry if you have already read this simile. But, I like it a lot so I am writing it again. Life is like the undertow in the ocean. I remember when I went on vacation to Cape Hatteras, which is located on the Outer Banks of North Carolina, being terrified of the ocean. The undertow was incredibly powerful, and the waves repeatedly crashed violently down on the shore. I did not go into the ocean much that vacation, as drowning is already my biggest fear in life. My little cousin, who actually is only two years younger than me but he acts like he’s five years younger, got swept into the ocean. He was far out and moving rapidly away from his. My uncle, his father, swam into the ocean and brought him back. I think adrenaline is responsible for the heroic act, as it really seemed like my cousin was a goner. It was bad. After this incident, my parents taught me how to handle the stress of the undertow, just in case I was brave enough to try the water myself. They told me that the only way out of the harsh current that pulls you away from your familiar stretch of land is to let it take you. You are supposed to remain calm, put your legs up in front of you, and let the current pull you where it pleases. Eventually, the tow dumps you out onto the beach. You just might have to walk kind of far to get back to the beach house. But, like quick sand, you cannot resist the tow. You have to trust the ocean and quite literally go with the flow.

That is how life should be lived. It is not easy. It is not easy to take deep breaths and remain calm during times of distress. Your body physically, mentally, and spiritually resists the idea of remaining calm when it is stressed, scared, sad, or angry. But, you just have to relinquish control and see where you end up. Being stressed does not change your situation. But, having a good outlook on life and trusting the ocean can indeed change your situation. It will physically and mentally deliver you somewhere else.

I went home a few weekends ago. My sister was gone, she had flown to New York to see her boyfriend who isn’t really her boyfriend but is whatever you call that person who is your person but without a formal label. Her flight was delayed and super messed up because of the bad snow storm. My mom was incredibly stressed about it. She was checking flight statuses every two seconds, texting my sister, calling airports, and talking about it a lot. If I was my sister, I probably would have appreciated my mother’s efforts. I would have been grateful and viewed it as eustress because it helped my sister get home. However, from my dad and I’s point of view, my mom was too stressed for her own good. Constantly worrying about the flight would not make the plane get there faster. She needed to take a deep breath and just watch TV with us. She needed to be there for my sister, yes, but she also needed to relax, as the stress was only worrying her body and ruining her night, rather than having any effect on possibly fixing my sister’s night.

After this night, I decided to let things go a bit. I have been a wound-up ball of anxiety for the past few months. Like, since August. I knew that, as soon as I entered John Carroll’s campus, I wasn’t meant to be there. I knew I would transfer by mid-September. And then October brought bad news that I successfully ignored until Christmas break, and then stuff really got bad. I have been worrying about things that are completely out of my control. I have done everything possible. I have done what I could. Now, I need to chill out, kick my legs out, and let the tide tow me away and take me to a totally new and hopefully better place. I am sick of not being able to sleep, my acne ruining my face, and my stomach cramping for no apparent reason. I used to be physically incapable of crying in front of people, but now I am physically incapable of stopping myself from crying in front of people. But, this is not helping anything. My stress is not bringing people back, and it certainly does not make John Carroll better. In fact, it pushes people away and makes John Carroll even shittier (if that is possible). Stress literally has no benefits. None. So, hey! Time for change. Do with me what you will, undertow.

My friend, the same one that I mention in like every blog, recommended the show Grace and Frankie for me. It is on Netflix. It is pretty funny, and it has a gay couple so I love it. But, my point. Frankie, the hippie on the show that is really cool, loves having “yes nights,” where she leaves her house and says yes to everything. It is essentially the premise of one of my favorite comedy movies, Yes Man, with Jim Carrey, but condensed into one night, not a life. That is how I plan to live the rest of my life. I mean, unless it is dangerous, obviously. I will not say yes to things that harm me like drugs and stuff. I am still an intelligent human being. I just think I need to expand my horizons a bit. I am looking forward to the adventures. Adios stress, hasta la vista. Which, fun fact, the snake that Harry releases from the Zoo in the first book, says to Harry. He leaves his exhibit and hisses, “hasta la vista,” but the movie does not include that line. Such a shame. JK Rowling is so funny, and her humor is kind of depleted a bit in the movies. Snape is by far the funniest character in the movies. In the book, though, I laughed at almost every page.

Anyway. Here is something that impacted me this week (this is by Rachel C. Lewis in a post titled “Tell the People You Love You Love Them):

“I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, “Kiss me harder,” and “You’re a good person,” and, “You brighten my day.” I live my life as straight-forward as possible.

Because one day, I might get hit by a bus… 

Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans. 

We never know when the bus is coming.(So go text them back.)”