Tick Tock
Once you graduate high school, life is irreversibly different. When you graduate from middle school, the majority of your life remains the same as it always has been. When you graduate high school, you think you are ready for the life to come. You want to get out of your house and gain freedom. You want the college life style. But, everything changes when you are granted this independence. It is easy to think that college is a temporary four year distance from your home. Or, maybe that was just my mindset for some reason, but I like to think that everyone has this beautiful misconception. High school is four years and then it is over. College is also four years, but it is never really over. I mean, obviously, the idea of a dorm and a caf and classes is over, but the lifestyle of college never ends. The lifestyle of high school is temporary. It is four years that you can lock in a box and dump out the window. But, when you leave your home for that first day of college, you never come back. Not really. You think you will be back in four years. And, for the vast majority of us, we will be. You will come back home for a year, maybe two, or maybe less, until you get your feet on the ground. But, it never is home again. Not really. Not in the way you want it to be. Or, again, how I want it to be. You never again get to end your days in the comfort of your home, with your mother's cooking, your father's popcorn, a movie, a rant to your parents, a hot shower, and a comfy bed. These are all things you can depend on growing up. You know they will always be there for you. But, once you leave home for that first time, you no longer have that. Not everyday, at least. Once you leave that first time, you become a nomad. You start to roam from home to home. You leave your things in boxes in the basement of your parents' house over the summer and live in a new place every year. You have different roommates, different friends, and different lovers everywhere you go. Each home is a new start.
I do not know. I just have been thinking a lot about the way things change. Time is the damndest thing. I cannot wrap my mind around it. I used to think that some things in life are permanent. Certain people and home. I thought those things would always be in my life. But, that is just not how things work, at all. Nothing is permanent. Yes, family is always family, but family is always evolving. I no longer see my brother on Christmas (or Thanksgiving, depending on the year). Yes, the love, emotions, and blood are still there. He is still a part of my home. But, even family changes. Your siblings get married. They start families of their own. You may do the same. And you do not see each other as often. Once you leave home for that first time, you have to start texting your siblings and make sure you see them when they come home. That, is an odd feeling that can not be adequately described until you have experienced it. Once you leave home for the first time, it is not a given that you will see your siblings again. They won't just be eagerly waiting at home for you. They have a life, too. You have to make sure you talk to them and ensure that your paths will cross. Having to keep in touch with family is weird. Like, going to college, you know that "the phone works both ways" with your friends. You know that you will have to call them and make time for them. You know you will have to keep in touch. But, having to text family, instead of coming home to them ... that is an sensation that I am not particularly fond of.
But, seriously. Time. Man. Is it bizarre, or what?? One second changes an entire life time. Do you realize that? One second is the difference between being in a car crash and not, the difference between kissing someone and not, the difference between love and the difference between death. One second. One measly little second. I wonder how many seconds I have wasted on writing this blog. If I had spent these seconds differently, where would my life be right now? Every second counts, literally. Time is wacky. It moves faster than you expect it to. Faster than you want it to. You know how everyone is always like, "they grow up so fast!" in regards to their children? I feel that way about myself. I grew up so fast. My siblings grew up so fast. My friends grew up so fast. My God, did my friends grow up fast... And you think you will not be okay with all of the changes. And you cry a lot and you mope a lot. And then, before you know it, it magically is a month later and you are over it. You are okay with it. But, should you be okay with it? Did enough time pass? Every body, physically I mean, like our tangible bodies, measures time differently. When I play Euchre, I lose track of time. What feels like an hour to me, feels like four hours to my friends. And, who is to say what is right? A clock? The men who invented the clock and our modern perception of time? Time does not exist, people. We believe in things that do not exist. WILD.
I think I am okay. Really. I did not think I ever would be okay. And, suddenly, I am. And it has only been a month. Life moves so quickly. You know how oceans have a riptide? Life is like a riptide. And the only way to get out is to put your legs out and let the riptide carry you to the beach.
Here are some lyrics that inspired this post. I think anyone in a transition phase, particularly the transition into college (aka the end of life as you know it, forever, not just for four years), will relate to these. "Rivers and Roads" by The Head and The Heart:
A year from now we'll all be gone. All our friends will move away. And they're goin' to better places, But our friends will be gone away. Nothin' is as it has been, And I miss your face like hell. And I guess it's just as well, But I miss your face like hell. Been talkin' 'bout the way things change. And my family lives in a different state. If you don't know what to make of this, Then we will not relate. So if you don't know what to make of this, Then we will not relate. Rivers and roads, Rivers and roads, Rivers 'til I reach you.
I have some other things that I would love to share. If you have time, I really encourage you to watch all of this. If you do not have time, I really encourage you to put the links in your notes somewhere, and the next time you get bored, watch these. They have all given me goose bumps, insights, motivation, tears, or at least just new neural connections. Also, if you haven't heard, I write for a new blog now, too! It is called the California Roll, and it is way more legit and organized than this insight to the mind of Maria blog I have going on here, lol.
Check out that blog here (it is not run by me, that is how you know it is better): https://www.caliroll.style/blog/home
Take a gander at some other random things I think everyone should see/read here:
I enjoyed this very much.
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