It's Been Sunday Since Saturday
"I am finally at the stage in my life where I am old enough and independent enough to control what goes in my body, and I need to take responsibility for it."
I sent this text to a friend of mine the night before my first day at college. It was a weird thought. I am honestly dreading college. I think I will enjoy the rigor, and I am kinda looking forward to four years of delving into English, reading, writing, and language in general. But, then I remember that these exciting classes come with other boring classes. I am taking a simple intro to psych class, and it even comes without a lab. But, I still have to take that class. At some point, I will have to take a math class. I dread them. Although I know I am capable of completing and flourishing in the academic fields of college, I dread them. I am burnt out. I know old people will read this and giggle. How can an 18 year old be burnt out? I feel jaded, regarding school. Frankly, I am sick of school. I enjoy learning and tickling the curious area of my brain. I am sick of staring at numbers and figuring out formulas that I then have to turn in by a deadline. I am tired of reading books and having to analyze them without enjoying them. I never want to see another post-it with notes scribbled on them again. I feel ill when I look at my books with underlines, margin notes, and highlights in them. I ache for the days where I read Harry Potter and simply enjoyed the mystical magic. Now a days, I think of Harry Potter with fondness because of the symbolism, allusions, and foreshadowing. I hate that. I hate that education has stripped me of my love for reading. Now, that being said, obviously I am exaggerating. Here I am, writing for recreational purposes. I clearly still love the arts and everything I am doing. I just find it hard to sit down and focus on a book and find sheer joy anymore.
Thus, my first point being: I now control what goes in my body regarding knowledge. I now have total and complete control of when, and if, I go to classes. I control what I listen to, as classes may be too big for teachers to call on people and have active participation in class. I control if I bring a laptop or my phone to class and allow myself to be distracted while the teacher teaches. I control what I learn. I filter what goes in my brain and when. And I need to take responsibility for this. I do not want to flunk school, but without my mom there to ask me what my assignments are, and how far along I am in them, I fear I may not ever really get things done. I need to take full responsibility for my future successes and failures, and prepare myself for the subsequent joy or anger that comes from those outcomes. I need to hit the books, and maybe even edit my blogs to practice proofreading, since I may be not as good as I think.
When my parents went to school, there was such thing as a "Freshman Five." Meaning, due to the influx of consumed foods, particularly sweets and processed-junky-not-human-made food, and, of course, booze, kids would gain five pounds their freshman year of high school. Nowadays, with child obesity, and fatness in general, pounding (pun intended) the streets of America, the new term is "Freshman Fifteen."
Thus, my second point being: I now control what food and drinks enter my body, and I need to take responsibility for it. I have always gone through huge phases when it comes to working out. I will go to the gym everyday for two weeks and feel so good that I let myself eat a little more. Then, suddenly, I am eating crap for the next three weeks until I feel so gross that I NEED to work out. But, now I cannot rely on my mothers healthy cooking to justify what I eat outside of the house. I am old enough that my weight probably will not fluctuate easily anymore, and any weight I put on will be nearly impossible to shed. I need to drop things like microwave popcorn, meat, and cut back on my dairy. I know these things to be awful for my body (as well as certain hygiene products and cleaning products), but I can no longer expect my mother to shield me from them. I need to be actively aware of what I put in my body, because no one is there to say "really, you want another plate?"
I once wrote a blog post about the stock market and how its terms so perfectly fit into transition periods. Meaning, you need to stock of the bonds you have made with people, and maybe cut off the bonds that no longer have significant interest. I found this relevant for transitioning into the summer before college. But, now, with there being nearly 34 of my high school peers with me at college, I think this is even more important. I love Into the Woods. It's lyrics are so profound and clever. I cannot help but geek over the sentence "we've no time to sit and dither, while her withers wither with her." It makes me smile just typing it. Just imagine being able to craft such a lovely series of words into a flowing sentence of words that twist your tongue but enlighten your mind. God, it is good. If you have not seen it, go watch it. Now. The play is obviously better, but the movie is excellent as well. Anyway, my blog post was inspired by the song "Steps of the Palace," specifically the line, "better stop and take stock, while you're standing here stuck to the steps of the palace. Alright what do you want? Have to make a decision." I just find it relevant. It gets straight to the point about making decisions and knowing what you want.
Thus, my third, and (insert sigh of relief) last, point being: I control who enters my brain. I control whose words enter my brain and affect how I feel. I control who enters my heart and makes me tick. I control who I hang out with, my mom can no longer tell me not to see someone. I have to take responsibility for who I let affect me
So, yeah. I am in college. I do not know how I got here. It feels like it's been Sunday since Saturday- always on the brink of going but never actually going. Anticipating it happening and then being shocked when it happens.
I sent this text to a friend of mine the night before my first day at college. It was a weird thought. I am honestly dreading college. I think I will enjoy the rigor, and I am kinda looking forward to four years of delving into English, reading, writing, and language in general. But, then I remember that these exciting classes come with other boring classes. I am taking a simple intro to psych class, and it even comes without a lab. But, I still have to take that class. At some point, I will have to take a math class. I dread them. Although I know I am capable of completing and flourishing in the academic fields of college, I dread them. I am burnt out. I know old people will read this and giggle. How can an 18 year old be burnt out? I feel jaded, regarding school. Frankly, I am sick of school. I enjoy learning and tickling the curious area of my brain. I am sick of staring at numbers and figuring out formulas that I then have to turn in by a deadline. I am tired of reading books and having to analyze them without enjoying them. I never want to see another post-it with notes scribbled on them again. I feel ill when I look at my books with underlines, margin notes, and highlights in them. I ache for the days where I read Harry Potter and simply enjoyed the mystical magic. Now a days, I think of Harry Potter with fondness because of the symbolism, allusions, and foreshadowing. I hate that. I hate that education has stripped me of my love for reading. Now, that being said, obviously I am exaggerating. Here I am, writing for recreational purposes. I clearly still love the arts and everything I am doing. I just find it hard to sit down and focus on a book and find sheer joy anymore.
Thus, my first point being: I now control what goes in my body regarding knowledge. I now have total and complete control of when, and if, I go to classes. I control what I listen to, as classes may be too big for teachers to call on people and have active participation in class. I control if I bring a laptop or my phone to class and allow myself to be distracted while the teacher teaches. I control what I learn. I filter what goes in my brain and when. And I need to take responsibility for this. I do not want to flunk school, but without my mom there to ask me what my assignments are, and how far along I am in them, I fear I may not ever really get things done. I need to take full responsibility for my future successes and failures, and prepare myself for the subsequent joy or anger that comes from those outcomes. I need to hit the books, and maybe even edit my blogs to practice proofreading, since I may be not as good as I think.
When my parents went to school, there was such thing as a "Freshman Five." Meaning, due to the influx of consumed foods, particularly sweets and processed-junky-not-human-made food, and, of course, booze, kids would gain five pounds their freshman year of high school. Nowadays, with child obesity, and fatness in general, pounding (pun intended) the streets of America, the new term is "Freshman Fifteen."
Thus, my second point being: I now control what food and drinks enter my body, and I need to take responsibility for it. I have always gone through huge phases when it comes to working out. I will go to the gym everyday for two weeks and feel so good that I let myself eat a little more. Then, suddenly, I am eating crap for the next three weeks until I feel so gross that I NEED to work out. But, now I cannot rely on my mothers healthy cooking to justify what I eat outside of the house. I am old enough that my weight probably will not fluctuate easily anymore, and any weight I put on will be nearly impossible to shed. I need to drop things like microwave popcorn, meat, and cut back on my dairy. I know these things to be awful for my body (as well as certain hygiene products and cleaning products), but I can no longer expect my mother to shield me from them. I need to be actively aware of what I put in my body, because no one is there to say "really, you want another plate?"
I once wrote a blog post about the stock market and how its terms so perfectly fit into transition periods. Meaning, you need to stock of the bonds you have made with people, and maybe cut off the bonds that no longer have significant interest. I found this relevant for transitioning into the summer before college. But, now, with there being nearly 34 of my high school peers with me at college, I think this is even more important. I love Into the Woods. It's lyrics are so profound and clever. I cannot help but geek over the sentence "we've no time to sit and dither, while her withers wither with her." It makes me smile just typing it. Just imagine being able to craft such a lovely series of words into a flowing sentence of words that twist your tongue but enlighten your mind. God, it is good. If you have not seen it, go watch it. Now. The play is obviously better, but the movie is excellent as well. Anyway, my blog post was inspired by the song "Steps of the Palace," specifically the line, "better stop and take stock, while you're standing here stuck to the steps of the palace. Alright what do you want? Have to make a decision." I just find it relevant. It gets straight to the point about making decisions and knowing what you want.
Thus, my third, and (insert sigh of relief) last, point being: I control who enters my brain. I control whose words enter my brain and affect how I feel. I control who enters my heart and makes me tick. I control who I hang out with, my mom can no longer tell me not to see someone. I have to take responsibility for who I let affect me
So, yeah. I am in college. I do not know how I got here. It feels like it's been Sunday since Saturday- always on the brink of going but never actually going. Anticipating it happening and then being shocked when it happens.
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