Fit of Fate

I always say that I do not believe in Predestination. I do not believe that I was put on this Earth with my life already figured out by some big guy in the sky. I do not think that everything that has happened to me was laid out before me and planned, as if I am just a character in a book. Yet, there are certain times in my life where I can't help but question if fate is intervening. But is fate the same as God? What even is fate? I just know that there have been instances too good to be true, that happened by mistake or circumstance, that I cannot help but wonder if somehow its just fate. Is there such thing as coincidence? Or is all coincidence foreseen and planned?

For instance. In eighth grade, I competed in the Power of The Pen writing competition. I made it all the way to States, but only one of my papers was ever given a full five star rating. I placed in first place for several papers, but my actual writing was never scored high, I was just the best of the people in that classroom. My point being, if it was any other year, if I was in any other room, would I have made it to States? Going to States in that competition played a huge role in helping me determine what I should do with life. It made me feel like my writing was actually worth something, and it encouraged me to continue writing. Was fate helping me out? Did I compete in the exact right year and get placed in the exact right classrooms just so that I could place high and make it to States in order for the world to reveal my passion to me? Or is it nothing more than lucky coincidence with no meaning or greater purpose?

Or another time, when my grandmother was slowly slipping away from the family with extremely advanced Alzheimer's disease. I was with my father, who usually is never home before eight, eating dinner when we got the call that there was water in the lungs of my father's mother, and she was very ill. We rushed to her nursing home and crowded into the room with the rest of my father's family. My dad has eleven siblings, making our family massive. Although not everyone lives in town, there was still probably fifteen people crammed into the room that night, hovering over my grandmother's rattling body. My mom was picking up my sister from a football game, and my brothers were at college, so it was just me and my dad from my intermediate family. My dad had to leave the room and get some air, so I followed him out to the lounge area where he immediately began to sob. I was twelve years old, holding up the weight of my slumped father as he bawled his eyes out. I had never, and have since never seen, my father cry like that. That moment impacted me immensely, showing me that it is okay to cry and allowing me to see the beauty of vulnerability. It has made me the open and honest person that I am today. Was it fate that my father came home from work early that day? That Anna was randomly at a football game for once? Further, was it fate that my grandma did not pass away that day? The next morning the majority of the Ferrato clan went to my uncle's cottage in France. We were gone for a week. My aunts and uncles were nervous to leave, as they feared that my grandmother would pass while they were gone. But she didn't. She passed away the day we got home from France. She waited for the rest of her kids to see her. Or did she wait? Was it simple science that she lived an extra week with water seeping into her lungs? Or was her body able to hold out for the sake of love for her family, and the fate that we all needed to experience in order to develop the thoughts we have today? Seeing my grandmother shake with illness gave me a deeper appreciation for every breath of non-water ridden air I take. Is it fate that I, and the rest of my entire family, got to see it?

Or when I met my best friend through high school. A complete stranger. We had four classes back to back in the morning together. Did fate create our schedules? Allison has made me the person I am today. You can interpret me however you want, but the bulk of my personality comes from Allison's influence on me. People think she is the quiet one, which I find humorous since it was Allison that walked me out of my shell of shyness. It was Allison who introduced herself to me. It was Allison who introduced me to the majority of people I know, and Allison is the quirky one who entertains me. Was it fate that we were forced to see each other that often freshman year? Did fate realize that I needed a person like Allison and send her to me? Or is that just how Walsh scheduling works since we all have to take the same classes?

And what about my other friends? What about anyone who has walked into my life at any point. My Kairos group, who works so well together. Was it randomly thrown together by counting off a list, or was fate there to assign us to each other, knowing our personalities would aid each other the most? The same goes for Pine Ridge. And what about Rome? I had planned to room in a quad with three other girls, but all of the hotel rooms ended up being three people, and I had to scramble to make a new friend. Ghan is now one of my closest companions and I love her to death. She makes me appreciate the world and other people's talents, along with my own, more than anyone ever has. Did fate make me room in a room with three people and break apart the quad with people I was already friends with? Or were those just the only hotel rooms left?

And the other day, when I left Walsh but had to double back into the building to grab a book I forgot. I walked aimlessly through the commons and heard Mr. Lee shout my name. He called me over and introduced me to a man who was looking for someone to write his mother's memories down since she is sick. He offered to pay me, but I think the experience is a bigger worth than cash. If I had remembered that book the first time around, or never remembered it after I exited the school, I never would have walked by Mr. Lee. Someone else would have gotten that job, which could just be an amazing learning opportunity, or could provide me with one of my biggest writing breaks, depending on how good I am at making the most of opportunities that come my way. Did fate enter my brain that day and remind me about that book, guiding me back through the commons? Or was it just the last day of school and I remembered to clean out my locker?

I could go on for hours about this, but I think the length of this will suffice. I never used to believe in fate, or some over arching bigger meaning about every tiny, seemingly insignificant detail of life. But then all of these amazing people were tossed into my life, all of these amazing travels and work experiences floated into my path. And I just sat down one day and realized that I am the culmination of all of these people, words, memories, and moments. I am simply the combination of every joke someone has told me, every piece of advice my parents gave me, every adventure with my friends, every vacation, every conversation, every tear I have seen someone shed ... I am the result of 17 years worth of memories. I was not born with the brain I have today, it was developed into this. And how? how was I blessed with all of these moments, whether they were pleasant or bad, that impacted me and inspired me to be who I am today? Was fate looking out for me and providing me with what I needed to live the fullest life possible? Or was I just always in the right place at the right time?

You tell me.