Community Creators (Sophomore Retreat Leader Talk)

Mr. Storad, the junior and senior Latin teacher, claims that there are only two reasons why humans face hardships in life. He says that 2/3 of the time in life, we undergo a hardship because of, as he calls it, "our own reckless ways", our own choices and free will are responsible for 2/3 of hardships. The other 1/3 are what he calls "monsters," simply hardships that are out of human control. 

I believe this theory works for communities as well. Sometimes we join communities we regret, but they shape our character . Sometimes we are members of communities we do not want to be a part of. These are our monsters. But these communities still shape who we are.  And other times, we discover a moment of bliss when stumbling upon that one community we always longed for.  

Friendships are the most common type of community that we have total control over. My freshman year, I scrambled to make friends and made brash decisions. I found myself in a group I dreaded spending time with and who judged me heavily. They were fun to watch movies with but we never truly bonded. I would not say that I regret these friendships, because it helped me discover my interests and what I value in a friendship. However, my sophomore year, I did what the majority of sophomores do – made new friends. Often, freshman friends are not who stick with you for the next four years, simply because you will mature and change and no longer find yourself compatible with people, There is nothing wrong with moving on. Changing communities is common and often required. Change is good. Change is healthy. Change is necessary. If your community of friends is no longer friendly, move on. Friends will evolve, be created and destroyed, but in the end they all have a deep impression on your being… let them do so. 

Sometimes we are forced into communities. In fourth grade, I was forced into the community of kids whose moms have breast cancer. This is an overwhelmingly large community. My mom was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer that simultaneously attacked her liver. She was given three months to live. She has been living for eight years since her diagnosis. How? Because of the community she belonged in – my family. I did not want to be in the community of cancer families, but it ended up shaping who I am today. I have a very close relationship to my mother, and my father is my ultimate role model. Too often you hear tales of grieving partners leaving their sick loved ones, but my father never wavered in his love for my mother and family. My siblings are the most unique beings I have come across, but they all have one thing in common: They love with no end. My family’s love kept my mother alive. Our family  community was strong enough to endure the cancer community. Although they still would be my family, I know our bonds would be drastically different, and perhaps weaker, without this monster, this community completely out of our control, in our lives.  

When these monster communities invade our lives, there is always one important community we can turn to: religion. I always tell people that I am not religious but I am faithful. I have trouble with man made sanctions that encourage inequality within a church that runs on universal love. However, with each day, I find myself sinking more and more into the belief that maybe people need a set of directions. Not rules, but directions. A map that provides different routes but always ends in the same destination. With each day I find myself leaning more towards a standard of love that needs to be shared, and this love is easily shared in religion. Religion provides a community that is dependable, reliable, and acts as a support group. When my mom got sick, it was our fellow church members who brought us dinner. You may question religion, but that is only a healthy and necessary step. This struggle may continue for several years, and that is okay too. The important thing is to simply know that religion is always available for you if you want or need it. Where doubt begins, faith begins. When monsters invade, communities, sometimes in the form of religion, step in to protect and comfort. 

Today we will hear talks about community and identity, but I beg the question, are the two any different? There is a saying that goes, “show me your five closest friends and I’ll show you your future”. Perhaps our identity is wrapped up in our communities and experiences. Sometimes our communities are out of our control, like my mother's illness. But they often end up creating aspects of our character that make us happy and create bonds with people that may not have existed if hardship had not struck. Most of the time though, we choose our communities. Throughout life, especially high school, many communities will be offered to you. In fact, where you are now, Sophomore retreat, is your introduction into the greatest community offered to you: Walsh Jesuit. Walsh offers communities such as immersion groups, Kairos groups, and a wide variety of friends and people. Your time in this community is limited to four years but the friendships you develop within them will impact your life forever. These communities will shape your character and identity yourself to others, so choose wisely, and embrace the communities that may originally present themselves as monsters.